MOM

My mom has been in heaven almost 17 years and not a day goes by I don’t think of her and wish I had gotten more time. Not just “time”, but grown-up meaningful time. Sure, I was technically a grown-up when she passed away but I didn’t feel or act like one most days. I always thought she would be here forever. It occurred to me that I often asked for advice and support but didn’t take the time to really get to know her. My mom was an open book and I knew so much about her, but I bet she would’ve liked for me to ask her about her life. Here’s some things I’d like to sit down and discuss with her if I could:

1. Were you happy?

2. What was your childhood really like?

3. Who was your first love?

4. What did you see when you looked at yourself in the mirror?

5. Who were your best friends growing up?

6. What was the happiest day of your life?

7. If you could’ve gone anywhere in the world, where would it have been? Who would you have taken?

8. Did you live with regret?

9. What was your most embarrassing moment?

10. How did you make it through your children’s heartaches?

11. What did you squander the most time worrying about?

12. How did you stay married through all of the hard times?

13. Who were your favorite relatives and why?

14. Did you ever laugh so hard you peed your pants? When?

15. What was the maddest you ever were at your parents?

16. What was the maddest your parents were with you?

17. What did you do for fun as a little girl?

18. Did you have pets when you were a child?

19. When did you feel closest to God?

20. Did you feel loved and appreciated?

There’s so much more, but these come to mind. Of course I would ask her why she bought me that hippie van when I was a teenager! These are things I wish I could share with my children and grandchildren so they would really know her. I’m so grateful that I had my mom for as long as I did, but there’s never enough time to say it all. Almost every day I have a conversation with her. She is the voice inside my head. Her lessons act as a rudder when I am faced with indecision and a compass when I am lost. Her laugh still rings in my ears and her raised eyebrows are still visible when I close my eyes. She is forever in my heart. These words and thoughts flow freely now that she is gone. If she were here, I would tell her these things face-to-face. Why didn’t I do this when she was a phone call away? Why didn’t I ask her all of the questions that have come to mind since she left this world? Because I thought I would have her forever.

Wishing all of you amazing moms out there a Happy Mother’s Day and hope you get to share a little of “you” with someone special.