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BACK OFF (Part 2) - "The Solution"

Trying to control everything and everybody can create tension and problems for those around us. It can destroy relationships and opportunities. The fear and threat of not getting our way often alienates us from others. A wise lady once asked me, “Carol Lind, is this your business, someone else’s business, or God’s business?” When I find myself in a situation that is setting off my control tendencies, that’s the first thing I ask myself. The funny thing is, there is very little that is my business and I have no reason to get involved. If it’s someone else’s business, why do I want control? Am I playing God and think I know better? That’s where the fear and ego come in and it takes practice to back off. Last week, I talked about the problem. (https://www.carollindmooney.com/post/back-off) This week I’ll share a few things that have worked well for me:


Awareness


Before we can work on any problem, we have to realize the need to change. As long as we are constantly focusing on the behavior of others, we have no reason to take a look at ourselves. Sure, others might hurt us or cause harm to loved ones but my reaction is the only thing I have control over. The same wise lady also said “If you’re not the problem, there is no solution”. Awareness of how I react in situations is the beginning of the process.


Become More Open-minded


Always thinking we are right or have the best solution to any problem keeps us from entertaining the possibility that someone else has a better way of doing things and fills us with arrogance. Try to listen and take time to consider other options and possibilities before reacting.


Live in the Moment


Staying focused on a certain outcome can result in losing sight of the lessons and opportunities in the moment. It’s perfectly fine to plan, but keep your thoughts and actions in the present moment.


Practice Faith


I heard once that fear is a lack of faith. Developing faith helps us understand things usually work out like they should and not necessarily how we demand. Clearing our minds through daily practices such as prayer, meditation, walks in nature, and exercise will help us to better control our words and actions in times of stress.


Learn to Trust


Depending upon and trusting others is essential to giving up control. The idea that we are supreme and our ideas are superior only leads to a lifetime of conflict with others. We can ask ourselves, “Why am I fearful of letting go of this situation?”, “Why can’t I trust this person and process?”, and “Why do I think my idea is better?”. It always amuses me when I am certain I know the answer or how to best deal with a problem, but I keep my mouth shut, and other people resolve it better than I would have. When this happens, it is easier to back off the next time. The more I do it, the more I trust.


Over the years, I have found that I often made a big mess on those occasions where I strong-armed others with my will and need to control. Letting the universe flow naturally and peacefully is the path to serenity and contentment. So, BACK OFF!

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